How I grew a pair and actually quit my toxic job
Quitting is actually one of my favorite things to do
A year ago, I gave my two weeks notice for a toxic job with no full time job to go to. And I get asked often, how did you do that? How did you take the leap? Trust yourself enough to leave a salaried gig even if you hated it? At the moment, I don't think I had the foresight to answer that question. It just felt right. But a year later, I think I can analyze how I grew a pair and actually quit my toxic job.
I studied political science in undergrad and was the epitome of an optimistic, white girl who wanted to change the world. Growing up in the Obama era, politics looked like it could be hopeful. I desperately wanted to be a speechwriter, crafting stories to move the nation. But, when I was a junior, Donald Trump was elected into office and my faith in the system dismantled. Going into politics looked like the worst thing possible.
When I was a senior, I Googled, "What do political science majors do besides working in campaigns?" It told me to get a Master of Public Administration. I then Googled, "What is the best school for MPAs?" It told me New York University. That settled it! I applied to NYU, got in, and started my career in the nonprofit sector.
But, that career never felt right. I chose to go into fundraising because, again, I like storytelling. During a fundraising class at NYU, my adjunct teacher went on and on about how she tells stories to donors in her attempts to get them to give millions of dollars. I thought that if I couldn't be swaying the masses with my speeches, I could persuade a few millionaires to donate their cash.
This mindset landed me at Human Rights Watch, an international nonprofit monitoring and reporting on human rights abuses around the world. The work the organization does is important – especially as Israel continues to starve Gaza – but as a fundraiser, I was very far away from that work. Most of my time at the organization was spent in Excel worksheets, calculating donations and projecting how much we would make.
It was soul sucking. All I wanted to do was create, but my job was the opposite of creation. And on top of that, the organization went through major executive changes leading to an overall ~horrible~ work environment. They refused to acknowledge the caliber of talent in their younger employees, had no clear promotion track, held up union negotiations for 18 months so they didn't have to raise the lowest salary to $60k, and snuck in major misogynistic vibes when speaking to young women.
The environment at HRW led me to take a three month mental health break in 2023. I came back with the mission to leave.
But Tess, how did you do it?
On New Year's Day in 2024, I manifested that I would find a new job. This may seem silly and oversimplified. But it worked. I didn't just say, "I will have a new job." No, I got specific. "I will work in a creative job that is fulfilling. I will no longer work for HRW. I will be happy at work."
When I said my manifestation out loud, I honestly didn't believe it. I couldn't picture a world in which I would actually like my job. That just seemed impossible. I thought it was just the truth that as an adult, you hate your job. Or if you didn’t hate, you were just completely neutral about it. A “meh” feeling.
But the further into my last year at HRW, the more my manifestation loomed large. In March 2024, the organization announced it would be laying off around 40 employees. A layoff is usually bad, but I was…excited. Because I was in a union, I could volunteer to be laid off and receive months of severance plus benefits. So, I told HR, “Choose me! Pick me! Fire me!”
Unfortunately, they didn’t. Meaning I would have to leave on my own. During these months, the months filled with me figuring out how to leave HRW, I built my creative portfolio. I kept writing on PRM. I started posting more on social media. I brainstormed career changes. And I scoured the internet for job postings I knew I could do.
And, also at the same time, I set a date to leave HRW, with or without a job. I really believe this is what got me to leave. To actually get out of my toxic job. I had to picture a world in which I survived without it. That even though my academic life had led me to HRW, I could change careers. I could pivot!
On July 29, I gleefully logged into work, asked my boss to chat quickly, and gave my 2 weeks. I said goodbye to a job I worked at for four years, to a career I'd been building since I was 18. And I finally felt free.
Is it supremely cheesy for me to say that the real reason I quit my toxic job was because I finally believed in myself? I think yes, but it's the truth! I believed there was more out there for me than a job that drained my soul and stifled my creativity.
I'm not here to tell you to quit your job, but…quit your job! Life is waiting! And it's so much better without a toxic workplace!!!
