To the weight I’ve gained this summer
Thank you for carrying me through this season
Every summer, we are expected to roll out our summer bodies. Toned, tanned, not an ounce of fat. That’s what’s been shoved in my face every year since I’ve been alive. But this summer, I feel a bit thicker, like there’s more to grab on to. So I thought I’d write a love letter to the weight I’ve gained this summer.
I don’t own a scale, so I’m not attaching my weight to a number. But I know I’ve gained weight this summer. As it heated up, I grew lazier. I started sleeping much later than ever before, laying in my bed absorbing the air conditioner as I snuggled with my cat. My laziness meant I stopped doing yoga, instead swapping it for long, weaving walks in Prospect Park where I let my mind wander.
So far, this summer, I have filled my time dining outside with friends, sipping on mezcal mules to beat the heat, and taking many siestas. This summer, I’ve been more focused on organizing activities for my labor union than organizing dates. I’ve been more worried about ensuring a living wage for my coworkers than catching the eye of a guy. This summer, I’ve indulged in being an aunt, in being a daughter, in being a friend. In daydreaming and planning my next trip. In reading and in reality tv.
The weight I’ve gained this summer is a reminder of the fun I’ve had. The 3 am nights spent dancing in Williamsburg. The ice cream enjoyed on solo walks through my neighborhood. The donuts shared with my family after our big night out. The fried shrimp split with Zoe in Coney Island. The orzo dinner in the Poconos. Delicious excess to distract from any real problems.
Maybe my body doesn’t fit into the media obsessed idea of a summer body. What was plastered on magazine covers I used to flip through as a tween. Flat stomachs, abs, thigh gaps. When I look in my mirror, I don’t see those - not that I ever did. According to classic media, and the Ozempic obsessed celebrities, a summer body is tied to a specific look, restricting the phrase to an idea rather than to the act of living in the summer. Because, here I am, with a body and it is summer. My summer body may have some extra pounds strapped to its hips. But they’re there because of the memories I’ve made and the jokes I’ve laughed at and the tears I’ve cried.
The weight I’ve gained this summer is tied to the magic feeling that glorifies New York. Over indulgence and doing it all. Dining out at some of the world’s best restaurants while I listen to my friends speak for hours. Not moving too fast because no one can in this humidity. Loving on friends and wearing chic sunglasses that hide the little tears at the corner of my eyes because I’m too happy.
My clothes may fit a little tighter, but my heart swells from all the smiles smiled and laughs laughed. The weight I’ve gained this summer is special and sleepy and funny and girly and lazy and kind and active and necessary. But really, it’s neutral. Because it’s just some extra of me to carry me through this season. To join me for my long walks as I chat with my mom on the phone. Train rides to visit family. Rooftops under the hot sun with friends.
The weight I’ve gained this summer is probably not what you’d see on the cover of a magazine. But it is real and true. Maybe in a few weeks, I’ll start moving again. Or maybe this is my new normal. Maybe this is just the version of my body best suited for this time in my life. So, to this weight I’ve gained, thank you for the laughs and fun and steamy sweaty nights. Thank you for taking me on the summer journey of solidarity and joy. Thank you for keeping me healthy and happy. Thank you for letting me relax, for untensing my shoulders. The weight I gained this summer is both good and nothing. Because it’s just weight. And I’m still here. And I’m still me.
To the weight I gained this summer, thank you. Because really, it was all you girl.