You guys have too many TV theories
What if we watched television with our brains off?
Trump put tariffs into place, the markets crashed, and hundreds of thousands of Americans protested him! The world is getting spookier and spookier but my personal life feels really good. Which also feels weird. But I’m not going to question it right now. I simply do not have the energy.
What I do have the energy for is to question you all (i.e., the Internet) for being too serious about watching TV. Also, I’m making this Worthy Distractions free because I feel like it!
The many theories of Severance and The White Lotus
I watch TV like I’m a baby sucking on a binky. It lulls me, hushing and gently rubbing my shoulders so I don’t have to think about JD Vance in Greenland. I don’t have many thoughts, I don’t catch clues dropped delicately into episodes by directors. I’m simply enjoying what is on my screen.
Unlike all of you! TikTok is amuck with theories on the most mundane scenes. Severance is a mystery, yes. We don’t know the full extent of Lumon, but some of you need to calm DOWN. During the airing of season two, TikTokers held theories that Lumon controlled the planet’s water, that Devon was actually a Lumon believer, that Gemma would die at the end, and that the goat people (Gwendoline Christie), were homeless. It turned out that Lumon is actually just a bunch of freaks employing children and capturing women through fertility doctors. But TikTok didn’t think that!
The White Lotus just released its finale on Sunday. Season three was set in Thailand and followed more awful rich people on vacation. Of course, there were theories about who would die (although all but my brother were incorrect), but one TikTok theory almost made me throw my phone out of my window. Walten Goggins played Rick, an angry, curiously rich man on vacation with his much younger astrology girlfriend Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood). His mission on this trip - find the man who murdered his father. He takes a vacation within the vacation to Bangkok where he tricks Sritala Hollinger - the White Lotus hotel owner - into thinking he’s a powerful Hollywood producer, all to get close to her husband, who just happens to be the murderer he’s looking for.
TikTok started whirling with theories about who Rick’s dad actually was. An obvious (and correct) answer is that Rick’s dad is Jim Hollinger, the co-owner of The White Lotus. But TikTok had other ideas. A few too many TikTokers believed that Srilata was Rick’s father. Ignoring that she is both a woman and Asian, while Rick is very much white, this theory made me lose my mind.
TikTok took one monologue from Sam Rockwell’s deeply troubled character about how he had sex with a “ladyboy” and decided that meant Rick’s dad was the woman who owned the hotel. I saw a TikTok with this theory and immediately Googled the actress. Her name is Patravadi Mejudhon and she’s a Thai actress, playwright, and director. And a woman. I have to believe that if Mike White were to write a twist like this, he would cast a trans woman for the role. And probably an Asian man as Rick.
TikTok theories have gone too far! You all need to calm down! Just watch TV for the love of the game. Not to go on TikTok with your souped up ideas of what will happen this season.
An tiny ode to my tiny shower lamp
Two weeks ago, I purchased a teeny little waterproof lamp for my shower to make me shower more. The overhead lights in my bathroom are oppressive. My lamp has worked! I shower more! And I don’t hate showering as much because I get to use said little lamp. I love you lamp!
🎶 Deeper Well by Kacey Musgraves
📺 ER on Hulu
🏃♀️ Fast and Free Running Shorts from lululemon
😶🌫️ Weightless Body Treatment 2% BHA from Paula’s Choice
🧖♀️ Girl with the slick back’s skincare lists