'Call Her Alex' and the paradox of women in athletics
I didn't know I had so much in common with the Call Her Daddy host
Call Her Alex, the two-part documentary about Alex Cooper, the host of Call Her Daddy, premiered on Hulu on Tuesday, June 10. It followed Alex’s life as a tween in the suburbs of Philadelphia, her soccer career at Boston University, and her rise as one of the most successful podcasters in the country. Before watching, I truly though I had nothing in common with Alex. I, dear Reader, was wrong!
I am not a member of what Alex affectionately calls her ‘Daddy Gang,’ but like most young women — especially white women — I can’t escape Alex Cooper. So, when Call Her Alex premiered, I knew I’d want to tune in. And to my surprise, after I watched it, I started to like her. I even realized I had a lot in common with her. From a love of childhood sports to enduring an adult bully.
When I was in college, a few friends told me I’d love Call Her Daddy, but when I listened to an episode, I hated it. Alex and her then co-host, Sofia Franklyn, sounded performative and annoying as they discussed sex in ways that hurt my prude, Catholic ears.
I didn’t listen again until Alex interviewed Vanderpump Rules’ Ariana Madix after the infamous ‘Scandoval.’ The episode was juicy because 'Scandoval’ was juicy. Tom Sandoval cheated on his longtime girlfriend, Ariana, with a fellow cast member, Raquel. I was hooked on the drama of the show, however Call Her Daddy was still not for me.
But, regardless of my opinion of the show, Alex is everywhere. She’s ubiquitous. She’s has interviewed everyone from Jane Goodall to Paris Hilton. And last October, Alex entered the political discourse when she interviewed Kamala Harris. The podcast may be limited in its scope and it is definitely not as politically left as I am, but there’s no denying its success. Whether I want to or not, I see Alex and Call Her Daddy all over my social media.
In part one of the documentary, Alex shared her love of media. While clips from her youth flashed on screen, she described how she basically only enjoyed playing sports and making videos with her friends in her basement. And her experience resonated with me immediately.
Growing up, I was very similar. As a kid, I played every sport. Basketball, volleyball, soccer, softball, tennis. I loved being around my girlfriends, running around during games, and feeling totally, completely free. Sports were empowering. Just like Alex, I felt nervous and uncomfortable around boys, but on the field and on the court, I was confident — even though I am not the most athletic.
And also just like Alex, I was obsessed with the video camera. I made so many videos, using my younger cousins as my little actors. We made spy thrillers and westerns and reality shows. I uploaded the movies to my Macbook and obsessed over the edits like I was on a tight deadline. Those moments built me into the editor and the perfectionist I am today, making sure my own media content is just like I want it to be.
Alex’s career, her branding, her success, all make a lot more sense after watching Call Her Alex. But she didn’t get where she is without some hardships.
At the end of part one, Alex accused her former Boston University soccer coach, Nancy Feldman, of sexual harassment. Alex alleged that Nancy became hyper-focused on her as Alex’s tenure at BU continued, and that Nancy would isolate her and ask her about her sex life.
“It was this psychotic game of, ‘You want to play? Tell me about your sex life,’” Alex said.
Alex told her parents and her mom, who was a therapist, wrote down everything her daughter told her. At the end of her junior year, Alex alleges that she and her parents sat down with the university’s dean of athletics concerning the incidents and even showed them her mom’s documentation of the harassment. But the school did nothing.
Alex quit the team before her senior year and Nancy retired in 2022.
When she chose Boston University, her parents were excited she landed at a school with a female head coach. How great, they thought. Of course, that turned out to be harmful for Alex.
“I was just another woman who experienced harassment on a level that changed my life forever and took away the thing I loved the most,” she said during a Q&A at the Tribeca Film Festival.
Now, I was never sexually harassed by any of my coaches, but I did feel a misplaced, negative attention from the Athletic Director during high school. I went to an all girls high school in St. Louis, Missouri. Our motto is “Empowering Women Since 1924.” I loved high school so much. I felt seen and supported by every teacher there, except one.
Our Athletic Director, I’ll call her Jill, hated me from the moment she learned who I was. She routinely scolded me for behaving the same ways as my friends, excluded me during P.E. classes, and spoke poorly about me to other teachers. Once, during a very casual lacrosse game in P.E. class, I tapped my friend Kelli on the wrist. Kelli, being the dramatic girl she is, fell to the ground and held her wrist.
“Ow Tess!” Kelli probably yelled.
I knew she was joking. Kelli joked about everything. She was famously voted class clown during our senior year. But Jill didn’t take it as a joke. She yanked me aside and shouted at me. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I do remember how she made me feel. Ashamed, angry, sad, worried I seriously injured my friend, embarrassed. She made me sit on the bleachers alone and watch the rest of the game, even after Kelli tried to come to my defense.
After playing basketball for a few seasons, I managed the team during my senior year. I understood my skillset and knew I didn’t want to practice every night of the week only to sit on the bench during games. But luckily at our school, we celebrated managers during senior nights too. We gave them flowers and cheered for them, just like the players. I’d seen it before at many other games. When the time came for basketball’s senior night, Jill ignored my role. She didn’t announce me or acknowledge me. Instead, stood next to me as my friends were celebrated, giving me a scolding and knowing smile that told me she knew what she did.
In many ways, I was bullied by Jill. And this wasn’t unknown. Every girl in my class saw the mistreatment. They saw her single me out, shame me, ridicule me, scold me. In grade school, sports made me feel confident, like I could fly. But in high school, in large part because of Jill, sports were no longer a safe space for me. Her job as athletic director was to make sports fun, but she did the opposite. I was a high schooler who felt like she knew everything about the world, but in reality, I was a child being bullied by an adult.
In many ways, I felt similar to how Alex felt. During the filming of Call Her Alex, she visited the BU soccer field for the first time since graduating almost a decade ago.
“The minute I stepped back on that field, I felt so small,” Alex said. “I just felt like I was 18 years old again, and I was in a situation with someone in a position of power who abused their power.”
I know that feeling. It’s a tactic often used by men to belittle women. There’s a famous quote by the author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie on the patriarchy: “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller.”
This is exactly what Nancy Feldman did to Alex. And what Jill did to me. The way they did it was different. Nancy’s was far worse. But the outcome was similar. I felt small near Jill, just like Alex did near Nancy. And the worst part is that it didn’t need to be this way. Alex’s parents were correct in their excitement about their daughter playing for a woman. Until women can feel safe everywhere in this world, we should at least feel safe around other women.
But the patriarchy is strong. It sways women too. It sways those you wouldn’t expect. Like female soccer coaches at D1 universities and athletic directors at high schools meant to empower young girls.
I’m still not a member of the ‘Daddy Gang’ and I don’t think I ever will be. But I respect Alex for her work and for her honesty. And I thank her for sharing her story. Call Her Alex wasn’t a groundbreaking two part film. It, like many celebrity documentaries, was surface level, following her during her Unwell Tour, during conversations with her husband Matt Kaplan, and in tense moments with her staff.
Alex Cooper is pervasive and Call Her Alex is just another example of her career that sometimes feels shoved down my throat. So, here’s to you ‘Daddy Gang’…I guess.
I really disliked Jill.